I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
