Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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