I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize