10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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