But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
