I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
