Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
