Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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