Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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