there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
