Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
