You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
