one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
