I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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