Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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