i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
