I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
