$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
