I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
