Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the day after is always just damage control
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
