i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
