if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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