I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize