How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
