For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
