You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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