Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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