I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I am naked and annoyed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
