i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
