he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
