His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
