I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
