I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
