hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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