i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
