After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
