I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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