So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
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She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he fucked my hip out of place.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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