I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
