I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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