More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
