I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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