His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
