it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize