she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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