Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
