I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
