he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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