"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
