Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
