i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
