Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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