And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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