she woke up with a sticky ear
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
