I'm laying in your front yard are you home
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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