I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.