Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?