I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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