help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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