Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before