Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
