mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
