I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
