My Higher Power is John Stamos
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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