Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
