My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
