dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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