im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize