Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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