We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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