I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
